Could I feel any worse?

We are beyond blessed to have two precious little boys! I now, however, could not feel any worse!!! I am back at work full time now; Tristan has started daycare; Thomas and TJ are out of school for the summer; I am still breastfeeding at night and in the mornings; I am trying to work out to get my body looking somewhat descent enough for my best friend's wedding in September (for which I am the maid of honor); so why could I be feeling like there isn't enough time in the day?! I am not complaining because I know how wonderful my life is...I have a job; I am married to a wonderful man and great father; I have 2 gorgeous boys; we are healthy and happy! I have been so amazed since bringing Tristan home from the hospital...amazed at how well TJ handled the whole transition to having a brother and sharing his time! I thought he was managing great, until this week...

Thomas told me the other night that TJ had mentioned that "Mommy didn't pay him any attention or play with him anymore." Thomas tried to explain, but really, what can yo say to that? So last night it got worse...I was feeding Tristan and the following conversation took place:

TJ: "Mommy, I love you!"

Me: "I love you too!"

TJ: "You love Tristan more!"

Me: (Sick at my stomach now, and feeling guilty for telling my Mom she loved my brother more--even if it was a joke!) "TJ, Mommy loves you and Tristan...and I love you both the same."

Later, while putting him to bed, I tried to tell him again how much I loved him. He said, "well, you don't pay me any attention anymore. And, when I need you, you are not there!" He probably just meant when he calls me from the toilet to check his butt, that I yell back that I can't come, but still... STAB.IN.THE.HEART!

So, obviously, not handling it as well as I thought! Can't God help me out here and make just a few more hours in the day?